Make War

"I hear so many christians murmur about their imperfections and their addictions and their failures and their shortcomings and I hear so little war. Murmur murmur murmur. "Why am I this way?" Make war!" - John Piper

Looking back on my life as a christian, I have seen some dramatic twists and turns of events. I have seen leaps and falls, and defeats and victories. But in the end, my God stands and I am on his team. Whether I am standing or sitting or kneeling or flat on my face (or back), God has overcome and because of this, so have I.

Sometimes I wonder what life I'm living. To which category do I belong? I'm not a 'heathen', an unrighteous soul, because my fruit says otherwise, yet I question my christianity because of how hard it gets sometimes. Sometimes it feels like I'm slugging it out against the devil. All of that Romans 8:37 talk somehow flies out of my head with a lucky blow. When my arms get weary and my chest burns from the constant wrestle, my mind is far from thinking about streets of gold and rest. Because my flesh won't quit and somehow it rises with renewed vigour, I go, "what form of christianity is this?"

I really thought I was free from sin. What does freedom mean? Paul made it clear when he said "death no longer has mastery of us" in Romans 6:9; we are "no longer slaves to sin" (6:6); so we don't have to sin. Our first option is not to sin, neither is it our only one. We can now please God (Romans 8:7,8). But God is already pleased because of Christ's death - hence why he resurrected. So what am I fighting for? God's approval?

No. We fight because we were born again to. We were made to make war, not love - Love has already been given. Yet, because love has already been given, we are not exempt from trying. The doctrine of grace (total depravity, unconditional election, limited atonement, irresistible grace, perseverance of the saints...lka "once saved, always saved") does not allow us to say a prayer and do as we please. It is not the ticket to total depravity but it is followed by perseverance of the saints. Tenth Avenue North put it well:

"We are, we are, we're caught in the in between 

 But we're fighting for what we already have received.

 Looking for love, we're finding we're still in need.

 It's only what we have lost will we be allowed to keep."

Our ability to please God comes with the responsibility to do so. Romans 6:13 says "Do not offer the parts of your body to sin...but rather to God." The result is eternal life. So in essence, once saved always saved is the assurance that my humanity will never usurp God's rule on my life. It is permission to do God's will forever and to be confident in the fact that "neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:39).

I am number four

It's a matter of hours before I go evangelizing tomorrow. I've always had my reservations about this because of my seemingly unsuccessful mission where I've shared my faith, my heart and my story to someone but they did not accept Christ at that moment. Of course, most I never see again. It usual tends in a debate or just indifference to the gospel.

We were given tools today and we practised using them. Thank you for the downloads and I pray that you will speak through me tomorrow. But maybe that's the problem: people don't want you. Maybe they are like that ex-satanist who was so controlled by demons that there was only three seconds of herself. Maybe that is the darkness - being blinded to the truth and just having a moment to cry "Lord, help me!" before being sucked under until the next time (if it comes).

The tools we were given don't work. That's the truth. It is God who works through these tools. I pray that I would have the opportunity to rejoice because I was there when God saved a soul. Until then I'll just speak and live. I haven't been doing it much but help me to do it more.

(...the next day...)

I just came back from evangelism in Tunapuna. The fresh scent of Dove Men + Care + Degree Men permeates my space as the sounds continue. There's something about products made for men by companies who made things for women (like Dewalt tools are superior). Anyways, it's all macho and stuff but not offensive and somehow keeps my skin clean - that's what I'm with: not smelling like an animal with long fur whi pees on itself.

On a much more serious note though, I encountered the darkness today. Somehow I expected a bog debate, maybe even an altercation; anything to make an exciting story. The problem with such an expectation is that when it happens it can be really dangerous for the person, both physically and spiritually. But God gives us what we need.

I don't want to go deep into the fact that no one on my time talked to anyone who accepted Jesus as their saviour at that moment because I recognize that no man comes to the Father except the Father draws him (John 6:44), snatches him from death's road. So I count it a privilege when someone comes to Christ "by my leading". I thank God that some people came to Christ as other teams spoke with them.

We met a few interesting people during our time on the streets. People like James*, who David thinks is a conman, and who I think David judged correctly. People like Shakira, who stayed behind to listen to listen to us even though her friends were calling her to leave. I pray that in the same way she would turn to you, stay behind and follow you. People like Esther and Ruth, who follow you and rely on you to see them through.

Very interestingly, we were talking to a guy named Christopher, an Indian vendor who has a relationship with God but didn't go to church. As we were talking to him, David advised me to jusray for him, so we did. He prayed that God would increase his business, among other things, and as he was praying a lady walked up to the stall. Chris stopped her out of respect and when we were finished, attended to her. Within 10 minutes the stall was empty!

If it wasn't for David pointing it out I would have probably missed everything. God just works! There were no tears, no recommittments, no sinners prayers. We asked God and he came through. After sharing with some kids we went back to Chris and pointed out to him what God did.

Love was seen in the little children wa
King home from school. The camera caught the eye of some school children so they stopped and were talking with Diego, Carly and Adrian. I mentioned to Diego that I had the wordless book in my back pocket so he allowed me to share. I said, "I'm going to share a story from a wordless book." and every child's eyes popped out and some looked at each other like "this guy is crazy!". I began, "this colour is green and it represents the world". I explained how God made the world and how he made us and had a wonderful relationship with us. I went to the point of sin and they jumped in with "like lying?" and "like teefin?" and each has his/her own example. We shared how the blood of Jesus takes away our sin and makes our heart clean as he forgives us. At this point, only I was speaking and all of the kids' eyes were locked on me. After that I went to gold and how the streets of heaven are made of gold. I asked them to look around at the street they walked on and imagine it as pure gold, like glass. Oh they were awestruck!

Then they started to ask questions about heaven and how can we not be on earth and still see. So we explained that our bodies are shells, like astronaut suits and our souls are eternal so in heaven, we will see Jesus and all the ones who love him and accepted his salvation (well not exactly in those words). Then we prayed for them and sent them home.

I thank God for everyone we met onthe streets - the Hindu girl, Sprocket, Boy, the sweeper who thinks all churches and church people are selfish and judgmental, and the four boys who knew God but never shared him. It is said that the average number of encounters a Muslim had in a certain jail had before being a Christian was 21. Let's put that as 25 for the Caribbean, for arguments sake. Maybe we were number 20, maybe we were number 12 or maybe I am number 4. In any case,to God be the glory! And hopefully another man (or woman) was born today.

John 15:1-17

I was reminded of this verse by my roommate , Steve, last night after watching a video called "Furious Love". I won't go into the details of the video here but the title suited the content. As the video played, I began to ask myself many questions and wrote down a few answers. Three questions remain: what is love? What is "the darkness"? What am I expecting to see? These three questions seem to be the crux of what we know as "going into missions".

I was already familiar with the concept of God choosing us from the music I listened to, the bible I read and the ever famous "TULIP" which grew in my mind because of these sources. At this moment I can repeat John MacArthur's words about Paul - tht Paul never asked to be used by God but he was still fully responsible for his choices and actions concerning the call - and I add a friends words, "not a fan".

Yes I'm not a fan but I really had no choice in this. God pursued me. I ran. God pursued me more. I ran faster. So God hit me so hard that I had to stop running - no if's, and's or or's. This was a real blind side tackle.

I love being loved by God (who doesn't?) and sometimes I feel all warm and fuzzy and lazy because I don't really understand love. For a non-Christian to say "I want to know what love is. I want you to show me" is one thing but for me (and hopefully you) to say "I want to know what love is. I want you to show me" would hands down be my best and most favorite mistake of my entire life! It's not to say that this is something I regret doing but I laugh and call it a mistake because I never thought this would be the result.

Asa this passage was not so much about God choosing us but more about our relationship with Christ and his relationship with us - the thing we seem to have forgotten - I will just try to answer the three questions which remained from the video.

What is love? The short answer is "I don't know" I thought I knew what love was: simply dying on a cross for my sins right? Because no greater love has a man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13). But after watching "Furious Love" I realized that I still dont know exactly what love is, but dying on the cross for my sins is a beautiful example.

The reason I don't understand love is that I don't understand God. God IS love, 1 John 4:8 says, so understanding love becomes even more complex. It took me 7 months to scratch the surface of a supreme being in a poem, 7 years to make it to the surface of who God is, and even after thousands of years, hundreds of authors and 66 books, we still don't get it entirely. Maybe you do, but I don't. My mind is too limited to hold anything beyond what God has given me and my heart can't beat fast enough to run with him. Maybe if I was omnipotent, and omniscient I would understand God. Maybe only God knows who he is (Matt 11:27).

It's not so much a matter of understanding love but of trusting him. We are the light (Matthew 5:14) and co-heirs with the Light (Romans 8:17). Love and light conquered the darkness. (I'd like to interject here with my revelation: there's a lot I don't know, not because I chose to be dumb but I was made this way - limited).

So what's the darkness? I thought I knew what the darkness was, ie. Demons, chanting, red eyes, deep voices and all that stuff as seen on television, but after honest examination I realized that it is darker still. In "Furious Love" the filmorgrapher went to a wit he's convention in Salem to "pick a fight". I don't blame him because I would do the same. But what struck me most was when the witch took off his hood in respect for God when the pastor was praying for him and his friends, who accepted Jesus. What struck me was when the New Age man, Sam, was asked as he was bowing, "do you want to accept Christ?" and he replied, "I just did". This brought new light to th darkness.

I always thought that darkness was demons jumping on a place or person - the gruesome, exciting stuff all Christians think about when they hear the term "spiritual warfare" but what if a misunderstanding of darkness was part of the spiritual warfare tactics Satan used? I mean if we didn't understand what the darkness (or love) was about then how could we recognize it, or not be disappointed when we went to Africa and never screamed 70 demons out of a violent, tantrum throwing 12 year old foaming at the mouth, having them run with their spiritual tails between their spiritual legs? It's only logical. So simply put, the darkness is the absence of love, and love is God.

So this brings me to my last question, "what am I looking for?". Honestly, when I first started, I wanted to get shot (at). This made better stories and I don't like spooky stuff. So I figured I could go to the Congo, stand on a box and scream "Jesus is god! Jesus is god!" and human error would stop the bullets from going through my heart, brain, stomach or artery in my thigh. Then I'd write awesome, exciting novels which inspire others, who like spooky, to cast out demons, heal the sick, or raise a dead man. Simple plan.

I think pur expectations and understanding drive our actions more than anything. As was said in the documentary, the moment we stop loving people and seeing people in love is the moment we get trapped by the enemy. Ok, I don't know what to expect anymore besides love and darkness - the two things I don't seem to understand.

So I'm at a place where I expect nothing but someone I can't understand and opposition I can't comprehend, yet I want to go. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm right. But in any case I can't escape the darkness and I tried to escape love but you know how that goes. I didn't choose God, he choose me.