She's A Brick House

Oh wow, it seems I forgot to blog for a while. And to top it off, it seems I've forgotten how to blog! Oh the pain of racking my brain and bumping my head on the walls while saying "remember, remember...re-he-me-hem-berrrrrrr!"...Remembered.

I've been doing exams for the last three weeks and I decided to take a break from yesterday - you know, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Telling you about the times when the answers magically appeared in my head with just enough time to write it down and pray that it was legible, the time when I muttered random things under my breath as I was about to go to sleep only to find out that they came back, or to say that I had a dream which showed me everything that was going to come on the paper would make a great story. Well, none of that happened. I sat my marginally existent backside down for hours and studied but fortunately everything that I studied came back! It usually does when you studied the course. As expected, there were hard exams and easy exams.

Since there is nothing to say about exams except that they're over and I can do nothing about them, let's talk about vacation. Vacation is the time to sit back, relax, party, eat food, get fat, talk to girls and let your hair down. The question that often starts to come right before exams are over is "What are your plans?" (as if I really should be studying that). Well, for all those who may ask, I have no plans (like a plane in the sunset with nowhere to land).

It's only fair that I end off by giving an overview of my semester. This semester was humbling; it was, by photo finish, the hardest semester I've ever had. I remember going to class on September 6 and hearing the lecturer talk about "things like the movies and parties are dead. But it's only 3 months so you won't die from it. When this is finish you'll have time enough to go to movies." As I sat back in my chair and retreated to my happy place I thought it was unfair and impossible to put such a heavy burden on someone - the proverbial bricks without straw. But the fact is that I want to graduate so I have to make those bricks. And it's not impossible if 300 people graduated 2 months ago.

So I built bricks which were tested with fire and the fire shall reveal the quality of my work.

When I was senior school I was supposed to read Macbeth (long story). This was when I was introduced to the theme of perception verses reality. Some define reality as just one's perception but though that is easily debatable, no one can deny that one's reality is shaped by one's perception. I was perusing past posts I posted and I noticed something very interesting about one of them. Hindsight is 20/20 (but wouldn't that depend on one's perception of the past?). Anyway, I saw this semester in a different light. I guess brake lights are brighter than headlights. Last semester I was quite indolent and it transcended throughout the semester. Laziness sucks because not only is it fleeting but there's nothing to hold on to when it's gone. So this semester I had the mindset to do work. The results are not in but I'm hoping they were good, it would strengthen my point here.

So if all goes well I'll have 6 more courses to go. Whether that is 1 semester, 1 semester and summer or 2 semesters will be decided next year. As for this year, I'll pop a bottle of champagne and raise my cup of thanksgiving, which tastes so much better than the cup of long nights, blood shot eyes and black circles, red marks not in the shape of the Greek goddess of victory and of course...well "shake and wear" still applies here but sniff tests are now redundant!

Of Things Worth Hearing...

When I thought about writing this earlier this week I was in a completely different mood. The sun shining quite brightly yet I felt gloomy - maybe that was the anomaly. It was quite similar to the time when I asked "Where now is the God of Elijah?" earlier this semester, however, I knew where he was - right here. I haven't for one moment since then doubted his existence or presence with me but on that bright, sunny Wednesday (and even now to some extent) I ask, "Who now is the God of Elijah?"

And I have reason. My last exam period burned me. I thought I had come out on top and was ready to face my blissful freedom called "vacation". But as with most empty spaces, something comes quickly to fill it. So when the wind rushed in and the results came back I found myself looking up into the sky, underneath all that I was standing on. As I covered my face from the debris falling on me it didn't matter what would hit me afterwords because my spirit was already crushed. I woke up in the hospital and what should have been 14 weeks of unconstrained fun and frolicking turned out to be rehab.

Fast forwarding through half of a year, I find myself in a very strange position. I have the same teacher who awarded me my first fail in maths since I was 16 and I'm doing more courses (more exams). I look inside me and see the confidence I used to have (the good kind and the kind that makes you say "Ah I know that, don't need to study at all") and I remember the great strength of my past and how big I felt after I got my first A in maths but then I remember that the last time I felt this big I failed maths and now my second exam (for it was also the second exam I did) is for a course taught by the same lecturer (who yesterday said, "If you remember how the Differential Equations exam was...." To which I whispered, "Don't remind me."). Oh how I wish I was not an elephant!

I wonder, why do scars remain? Why can I not shake the thoughts of being burned by attitudes of laziness and hubris? Sometimes I wish I could just forget it all and behave as though I'm really starting over. But these scars remain as a reminder that I can't do it alone. C.S. Lewis said that everything works according to its nature. Sure, if you study you will pass. But I have a nature that is such that it doesn't operate solo. When I look within myself I don't go looking for my own resources to get me through - not anymore. Furthermore, passing is contingent on so many other factors apart from studying hard (or smart) that I shouldn't dare to hinge my hopes of passing (much less getting A's) on my weak body and sometimes unfocused mind.

Earlier I asked, "Who is the God of Elijah?" Well the great thing about him is that I don't need to prove him, his strength or his goodness. All I need to do is allow him to do his thing - whatever the time calls for. What if I gave him the freedom he deserves? Of course, this does not mean doing nothing, like he is my slave, but what I mean is this: I'm not going to pass my exams so that others will say "Ok God is real". This is comforting to know.

These exams are not going to pass themselves and studying is important. I know now, however, that I don't have to have my vision clouded by the fear of failing and what happened last year. Yes, scars remain but only to remind me that I can't go it alone.

Sea Soup

Have you ever had a week which left you tired yet thoroughly satisfied? Don't those weeks often feel the best? Not when you're going through them sometimes, but at the end. That pretty much describes my week. On Tuesday I had a Probability test (what are the chances of me failing?). It went well - if you had studied. I knew what the questions were asking and how I should answer them. So by the end of it all (because I'm sure you don't want to know anything else about it) I've realised that Probability Theory is not the ugly monster that lies under my bed.

Then Wednesday came. I came to school in a light blue dress shirt, black slacks and black shoes with blue and black checkered socks. As I burst open the door of the lecture theatre it went silent and the teacher stopped. Ok that didn't really happen (I think) but it was a shock for some people. The buzz among the crowd was that I had a presentation that day; and I did. The shock wore off as more people dressed in black and blue (like a bruised eye) burst open the door in similar fashion (no pun intended). After the lecture, the men in the group donned their ties - striped, dotted and solid (you can guess which type I was) - and the females set up the equipment and we huddled. With legs and hands shaking we began.

My group was known as the trouble group. Firstly, we were referred to as "the guys in the back" by the lecturer (never a good sign). And if that was not bad enough, we took the liberty to be the only students who asked questions about other groups' presentation, breaking the unwritten law of UWI, "don't ask me, won't ask you". Last week we were snapped at by one of the groups who let us know quite frankly that if we had read the case we would not have been asking such stupid questions (blast us for paying attention).

I guess the measure of a presentation is crowd response. We began by showing a re-enactment of the case as was written. The crowd did not laugh or move strangely enough but we continued. We presented and presented and ended with a video depicting the proposed results of our recommendations. Then the question we were so eagerly awaiting came..."Does anyone have any questions?" I'll attribute no vile motive to her but the same girl who made it clear that we should have read the case put up her hand. I guess the mark of a good presentation is when the teacher comes to your rescue. Yes, the lecturer said, "Going back to what Rachel (one of the members) said..." After being questioned on our core problem, which the teacher disagreed on, the presentation ended and we gave each other hi-5's, hi-4's, took pictures and took off our ties.

On Friday I made my debut as a poet (by the farthest stretch of the imagination)...oh wait no. There was a talent day at UCCF and I performed a piece. (Inquire within).

So I came home on Friday quite tired and went to sleep. I woke up on Saturday and drove to another group meeting, and ran some errands. Tired from my week and journey, when I got home I headed straight for the kitchen. "There's food here?" I asked my mother. "Well...daddy made soup for himself and two other people," she replied. Confused, I went to the big pot expecting to see a very small portion of food in it. As the steam rose from the uncovered pot I jumped back. I stepped closer. I put my head over the....pot and peered intensely while my mother chucked in the background. I looked to her for some salvation. "What is this?" I asked as she tilted her head and smiled as if to say "see what I mean?"

Now I love my dad. He's a good man, an ok basketballer, a bad singer and a terrible cook. After looking at his "sea soup" I've come to understand that it doesn't take many cooks to spoil the broth. There's a poem I learnt as a child which aptly described his dish.

"Water has no taste at all

Water has no smell.

And if we use it in fish soup

It stays the same as well."

According to him, it was supposed to be that colour but I begged to differ. (It still didn't explain where the taste went.lol)

November

Disclaimer: Written under the influence...

It's that time again - where the exam timetable is posted and we collect our exam cards and compare each others' exam timetable. I checked and double checked my timetable (and probably will check again) so that I don't miss an exam. People scamper about taking all the books from the library and suddenly this cold, hard mask covers many faces. I smell the exams coming like rain. We're all either zombies or invisible because we can't seem to notice anyone, yet it's plain to see that our world has become black and white. There is no condoning of grey areas as we stretch our grey matter in hope that it was not beyond the elasticity of sanity.

I was reading a book about leadership and communication in the library on Thursday (the cover was pretty and the book was small...and there were pictures in it!) and besides the fact that the book seemed very motivational - talking to losers - there was an interesting story I read. I won't attempt to recall the story but the gist of it was that just as there are waves in the ocean, a company cannot operate with all cylinders firing throughout the year. Then the thought soaked through me; I can't study all day everyday with all my might. Like the ocean, I need time to ebb before I flow.

Then there was the unusual Thursday morning car trouble which left me carless. Having no transportation is usually terrible and waiting on your family to pick you up is even worse. They think that you will forgive them and then they come 20 hours after they were supposed to come - when you're chilling with the second watch of the night. I had to go to my sisters on Thursday and my mom asked me if I could get a drop there. I said I'll try and then went and asked my friends. They gave me the usual run around (I have class now, I'm not going home yet, dude where's my car) so I decided to tell my mom I couldn't get a drop then lime where all the cars pass - hopefully I may get one before she comes.

How Not To Hitch A Ride

I sat down and talked with another friend (who has no car nor licence) and as we were talking I saw a familiar face. We stopped and watched as the car climbed and descended the hump. "Now!" I whispered to myself and shouted out his name. But he just nodded and waved and drove away. Then another friend passed. I saw her car from a far and thought that the person looked familiar. So again, we sat in wait and watched the front go up and down, and the back up and over. With baited breath we stood by as the driver stamped on the gas. "Now! Now! Now!" As I was just about to shout I realised the terrible fact that her windows were closed. With quick thinking, I began to wave frantically as our eyes met, hoping she would understand the urgent request. I waved. She smiled and waved back and drove off into the sunset.

I had lost my will after that and when the next car passed I barely had enough power to let my head drop as he waved and drove off. Fortunately, my mom came for me after I was waiting for over an hour and a half. I learnt a very important lesson that day: Maybe running in front of a moving car to get a ride home is not as bad an idea as people make it out to seem.

There are 3 more weeks of teaching left in this semester and I'm not as excited as before to see exams coming. I think it was about time I took them seriously and not call them "Pre-vacation questionnaires" (That is also not as bad an idea as people make it out to seem). I was only joking about jumping in front of a moving car folks!

Depth Perception

First semesters are usually more interesting than second semesters. I guess it's because we are still hot off of the vacation and we have been out of school far too long to remember anything about it so all things seem new. A new school year brings to light some things. I would assume so because it starts in the fall, where there are more daylight hours than in the winter, when the sun sets earlier. But of course, that's northern thinking.

It didn't take very long for a story to come my way. On Monday, all of the cars seemed to be going in the same direction as I was. I got stuck in traffic for the first time since the summer and it was terrible. What made it bad was not that I was sitting in traffic for nearly half an hour (the route is usually 5 minutes) but the night before, I was slaving over some Auditing homework so that the teacher wouldn't curse us (well me, since I've been accused by some teachers of being cheeky). Time inched on faster than the car as I checked my gas meter; the amber light burning, telling me to get ready to stop. I knew I should have gotten gas when I had just left home but I was almost early for the class.

And so I inched closer and closer to the gas station, regretting my every turn. I finally made it to the gas station, already late, maybe even too late to answer any of the questions I had done. "Got to go to another station," the attendant called out. My head dropped as I could only hope to make it to another gas station. I turned the key...nothing. I turned again...nothing. "Not now man!"

The gas attendants all looked at me and asked me what was wrong. Besides the fact that the car was not starting I thought it was a battery problem. To cut a long story short (I wanted to say something else) I did need a battery but I also needed gas and there was gas at the gas station but it was running slowly.

Running slowly...(I do apologize for the sudden jolt of philosophy).

As I look over all the things that have happened so far this semester I feel like I've been going to school pretty long already. It is amazing that the week goes by so quickly yet the weeks slowly pass and each day travels at 60 minutes per hour. September seems so two months ago! As I was driving home this week (with my new battery) a few things flew through the window and into my head.

Light is pretty amazing. It helps you to see; it protects, guides and enhances. Without light there would be no colour! The pretty amazing quality about light is depth perception. Without light, we wouldn't know how far things are!

I toured Harrison's Cave during the summer and during the tour the lights were turned off to show what the discoverers saw. A lightbulb in my head came on and I held my hand up to my face and slowly began to bring it to my nose until I could see it. Twice I did this and twice I hit myself in my face. I would have had more success licking my nose in the daylight than seeing my hand in that cave. The first time was funny, but the second time was scary because I couldn't even tell when my hand was coming. I knew I held it up and I knew it hit me.

It's the same thing with life. A man who walks by day does not stumble because he walks by this world's light. It is when he walks by night that he stumbles, for he has no light. (John 11:10) In life, many people wonder why they are here. Maybe few iPods have enough memory space to store all the songs that reflect uncertainty, purposelessness and confusion. Why's that? If we have grown smarter, if we are more evolved than apes why are apes scratching their butts and we scratching our heads? Could it be that we actually don't know what we are doing?

We know one thing is certain, we all die. There is an end to a human's life but he/she doesn't know when it's coming - like my hand to my nose. That was a cool observation in the cave, but in life we don't know whose hand is coming or even if it is a hand at all. Then how do we prepare? It's not that important to know when we are going to die but it is important to know what to do while we are alive. If there is a destination that must be reached, how do we know if we have made it or how far are we to go? And this is why it is important to live in the light. (John 3:19-21)

Walk while you have the light, before the darkness overtakes you. The man who walks in darkness does not know where he is going. Put your trust in the light while you have it, so that you may become sons of light.

Hello Hurricane

(Warning: Long Post)

I knew that I would find a story! To be honest, sometimes I go through a week, from Friday to Sunday itching for a good story, especially after a week that had one great event. The pressure of people's expectations sometimes gets me all washed out as Saturday comes and I begin to say, "Well it looks like I'll have to write a long introduction and then say, 'I had a good week. The end.' and face the angry mob of disappointed readers." Ok, that's a bit of a carried away thought, so let's sweep that out to sea.

On Friday I went to school and after my sole class I was asking my lecturer a few question about sets and images (read carefully). About ten minutes into the conversation I looked outside with a "what the..." expression on my face. "Yep. I guess that's rain," my lecturer answered. Who knew he was so smart! So I decided to find some more questions to ask because none of us could go anywhere. And about 20 minutes later, I couldn't take the Siberian conditions of the classroom and left to do some studying, sadly, in Alaska. I went back outside to a rainless, cloudy day and did some random stuff by myself until I left school at 1. After which I ran some errands, went home and slept.

I woke up to the noise of my family off loading their school stuff and searching the fridge and the cupboards. As I got downstairs to claim some of the bounty before the pack devoured it all, my mom grabbed and said, "Wash the dishes." She then started calling out plays like a commanding officer in the middle of siege fire and I, with a drowsy and puzzled look, tried to make sense of it all. What happened was that between "fair to partly cloudy" and "cloudy with a few brief scattered showers" a storm decided to pass by.

"Don't you know that we are under storm warning?" my mom asked as she filled the containers with water. "When did this happen?" I asked. The warning was issued at 1 - the time I left school.

I finished washing the dishes and made something to eat and waited until it was time to go to church. Outside was black and the street lights were on. "Better go and bathe. It's almost 7" I thought. "What time is it?" - "5:30" my sister replied. "What?!?! I thought it was 7!" Really and truly, the only difference between then and 7 on a normal night was that I couldn't see the stars. I watched some basketball that night and went to sleep at 10.

I honestly don't remember when I closed the window next to me but by then the rain had started to fall. I turned and wrapped tighter to keep out the coldness. "Ahh...No Auditing tomorrow." I thought with delight. About a few moments later (because sleep time is never accurate) I turned to check that no rain had wet anything that I didn't want to get wet. "Well there goes the electricity." I noted as the street lights had gone out. And I turned to go to sleep again.

I'm sure that I was born upside down. Rain and storm weather have an opposite effect on me than it does on other people. Rain energizes me. Every time it rains I wake up. So at 6am, dark and early, I woke up and thought of things to study/do. I heard a noise approaching my room. It was my mom. "Marcus don't you want to come downstairs? You can use one of the girls' bed." The first answer that came to my head was "nope" but I understood what she meant so I asked, "Do you want me to come downstairs?" - "Yes," she replied so I got up and went into my sisters'...I don't know what to call it...room? (It was ransacked). I made a clearing on the bed, prayed and got up to eat something. When it's raining I blame the rain for making me hungry (when in Rome blame the Romans?)

I started studying around 9. After a little while I realised that I left the rest of my books in the car. So after a meal , some writing and maths, I went outside, in the rain, for my books. My younger-younger sister always says there are no boring things, just boring people. That has been my maxim since then and I was determined to follow it yesterday. But there's not much to do when, in a family of 6, five of them have been sleeping for the past 8 hours. So I read until I could read no more. I studied until I could see no more. I played until it was night, used a cell phone light and soon I will write until I could write no more. But thank God for glow in the dark silly bands. See the other problem is that when I'm up, I can't force myself back to sleep no matter how sleepy I am.

It's been raining  for over 24 hours and now there's a river running through my gap and an ankle deep stream flowing past my house (which never floods). It's 6 pm but it's not as dark as it was yesterday (and the cell phone light isn't fooling me). Next week is going to be an interesting week because the hurricane is getting stronger. Part of me wants it to rain until Monday but the sensible side of my compassion knows that cars don't float and people don't have cars - even it they did. So until next time, stay dry.

Stories

Each of our lives is a story. And with every person we meet, we become a part of their story and they become a part of ours. Somehow God has masterfully written all of our stories so that they come together to form one story...the greatest story ever told. Aslan, the lion from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, once said, "I tell no one any story but his own." (The Horse and His Boy). This is a very hard thing to do, especially when you are a part of great and similar stories, and this blog tries to do that. Not every part of my story which spanned the last week is relevant to what I'm about to say so those things are left out.

Over the last 7 days I've had two mid-terms - Intermediate Cost Accounting (Cost) and Organizational Behaviour (OB). The Cost was pretty ok. I'm not too sure but when someone asks "How was the exam?" do they want to know that or how I did? The exam was in English and it was comprehensible. As for how I did, only time will tell. However, there was this one thing that I didn't study and it kept coming back. It was pretty funny, ironic and unfortunate, and I hope "When in doubt choose C" worked. OB was the same - the exam. that is (written in English) and I think I did well. Most of the exam I knew and I didn't use "When in doubt flip an eraser with a 'B' written on it.

This was a celebratory weekend. All of my friends in the year above me graduated this weekend and my grandmother celebrated 15 years of living after breast cancer. I've never given graduation any thought beyond the fact that some day that will be me, but being in final year and seeing the graduands collect their gowns and how their faces glowed with excitement and dirtied with nostalgia made me realise how real this day will be for me. If all goes according to plan the person with the grin on his face shaking the Chancellor's hand will be me and I'll have letters after my name other than 'lol'. I think that will be a great achievement. The nostalgia comes in when I realise that it's time to move on. There will be no more blogs about school because I won't be there. No more option of skipping 10am classes, no more hiding from people and sleeping in the library. I'll be facing "the real world" as those who have left the system describe it. I don't know what I'll do in it but I didn't really know how my university life would plan out. I just have to wait on the same author - such a faithful author.

One story ended yesterday, that is the one of Barbados' Prime Minister. The whole country is in mourning. He had a really relaxing aura and some really good quotes and policies. For 15 years, he was the leader of the opposition and when the last elections came I honestly didn't think he was going to win. I thought that after losing three times he had a lot of heart to run again. But he had a dream. He had a story. And he lived in it. Sadly, though, two years later he died at the age of 48 from pancreatic cancer. I doubt that many of his goals were realised in his tenure of Prime Minister. We may focus on the fact that he only spent two years in office but the really interesting thing about it is that he no longer knows that he only spent two years in power after waiting and learning for 15 years. He came and he worked in the capacity that he was given. Life is short. Who knows what opportunities will be taken from you (as if they were ever yours) prematurely? Do the right things first.

My heart goes out to his family first and I pray they will find comfort and strength to carry on while they are still alive. My heart also goes out to my country and I pray that we will remain sober minded. To have a change so drastic can create drastic reactions. Prime Ministerial power will change people, rather it reveals people. Who knows what we will live to see?

When Faith Fails

What's school without a lesson or two?

Six weeks ago, school started. I continued my trek toward my first degree in September full of energy and dripping with wisdom and insight. When I came back from the youth camps and after I turned 21 I felt like I was wiser. It was interesting. For one, the ground looked farther away than before and a lot of things that I observed either made sense or reminded me of something I learned as a youngster - even that phrase had new meaning..."youngster". I was excited to be at school, excited to continue school and excited to finish school.

Six weeks later I am lying down in my bed, on the advent of mid-terms, asking like Elisha "Where is now is the God of Elijah?" Now we can bridge our gaping mouths with our palms because....Christians don't doubt! But let me be honest and quote Shakespeare "If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die?" (this last one I'm not willing to test) Am I not as much a human as everyone else? As my second favourite rapper said "We recognize that life's hard. The difference is instead of drowning we trust the Life Guard." Life's hard...life guard.

It was once said that it is the object of faith that makes faith faithful. Two weeks ago I was at a bible study session where the topic was faith. The leader asked us to define faith and then give some examples of when we had to exercise our faith. Everyone did that and talked about how God came through for them etc. I didn't want to play Devil's advocate (especially at bible study if you get what I'm saying) but I thought about all those times when he didn't "come through". For example, when David fasted for 7 days and asked God to save his son and the child still died. Or when I studied hard and believed that I got an A and still failed Differential Equations. What then?

Should I still obey God even when he didn't do what I wanted? During the vacation I had a talk with a friend of mine and I asked her, "What have I done to make God love me?" Often times we believe that it was our will that caused God to save us. It's easy to think that God is our genie - we just rub him with the fingers of belief and our wish is his command. But that's not the case. To recognize that God will do whatever he pleases with my life scares me sometimes. I mean, I think that it is so easy for him to just not give me straight A's or B's when I worked my tail off and trusted him. But I know why he does whatever he pleases. He does it so that in all things, people will see my good works (and his) and praise Him, and not me. He does it for his glory, not mine. And this is a comforting, yet humbling fact.

God is good. It is his nature. Job said, "Though he slay me yet will I trust him." (Job 13:15). That sounds all fancy and would really get more than a few "Hallelujahs" from the congregation but when Job said that he was surrounded by 3 wise men who told him that God was punishing him. Job recognized that God was sovereign and good. You know, the funny thing is that anything that God does to us other than exciting his wrath on us is all because of his goodness. Evil is to be punished. You and I, we think evil, do evil and speak evil. Yet we're still breathing, unpunished. Not because God is a wuss but because he's so good that he's giving us an opportunity to know him.

A lot of christians today base their relationship with God on what he has done for them. So God is good when my teacher falls ill on the day of the mid-term and we have an extra week. Or God is good when I find out she is single. Or God is good when that student drops $50 at bus stop. But is he good when you were the one who dropped the $50? Is he good when you were the one who broke up? Is he good when the illness turns out to be terminal? Those things don't make God good. God is good all by himself. It's like saying "part wunna gine" doesn't make me Bajan. I was born a Bajan. God existed as good. 

Sometimes people ask me why am I a christian. It wasn't my choosing, he chose me. He has something to do in my life. He has something to do in yours. If I never get anything from God it doesn't stop him from being God, it doesn't stop him from being good. (Yeah I would be a lot disappointed, maybe slightly miserable). If I never get anything from God I would still be glad that he gave me life and a chance to know him. I am contented to know him.

"So I cry refusing all the lies
 Pain is my ally when aligned to who you are
 There's more to my scars so I know there's more to yours.
 I'm resting in your arms
 I'm resting in your wrists
 I'm pressing with a limp pain is purposed through your gift
 I'm strengthening my grip may this faith in you persist
 And when this half insists I pray you breathe in me
 Amazing is your grace cus while I'm holding you it seems
 The truth of the matter is you're really holding me."
                                                                             - Half of Me (Sho Baraka)

Welcome To Barbados

Have you ever been to a Caribbean country and have people sing songs of the territory to you? Thankfully it has never happened to me, nor have I had to do it. What has happened though is that I was stopped and grilled by a police after I came through immigration - Welcome Home? This one goes out to all my Bajan friends, the real ones and the ones who wished they were Bajan. This one goes out to everyone in the world lol.

Before we begin, let's look at last week. The presentation was bad but the essay was good. But as for the other events...well...that's a different story.

And here it is. I have a friend from Trinidad who came to Barbados to study. Among other things, she was given strict instructions not to eat from Chefette. And she obeyed them, until last week. I went to a concert and afterword we were hungry and looking for a place to eat at. It was here that she informed us of the command. "I'm not going to eat Chefette," she said, impressing upon us that her convictions were immutable. Asking why was no use, neither was trying to debunk her myths, but since the other restaurants were closed and she was not driving, we decided to go to Chefette.

The safest road to hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts  (C. S. Lewis).

We sat in Chefette and talked as she continue to make it clear that she was NOT going to eat Chefette. (She also said that she was not even going to go in Chefette). When it was time to eat, those who were hungry ordered their food. As we sat and ate we asked her, "Aren't you going to eat some?" "NO!" she answered. We ate until the scent filled the whole room and she just couldn't stand the pressure. "Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!" the voices inside and outside her head cried. "Ok." All eyes were fixed on her as she took a small portion, ignoring all warnings, and ate. (Then she gave some to her husband who was with her...lol just kidding). "It's ok" she said while fighting to hold back a smile. And if that wasn't bad enough she had a second set! So much for "I'm not eating Chefette!"

The second story involves the members of my OB group. It is not as victorious as the first one though. After the group meeting was finished on Wednesday we were sitting around and talking about Barbados' lovely public transportation system. We talked about standing in ZR's (minivans) and being so squashed that you can't change your mind and listening to the tunes blazing inside while your eardrums get rattle.

Now I confess that Bajans are the worst in giving directions. My friend, who's from Nevis, wanted to get to town. Someone told him that town is "just down the road" so he decided to walk there from Wanstead (5 min highway time). So he's walking and the sun is obviously not cool at any time of this day. After getting a working knowledge of what "down the road" means he decided to ask someone if town was really down the road. Of course it is. With renewed vigour, he continued his trek to town. About a while later he realizes that this was a bad idea so he stopped and asked someone else where was town. "Oh it's just down the road". By this time he figured that it was actually down the road since he'd been walking for more than 45 minutes. So he kept walking...and walking...and walking.......Red Label....Black Label...Civil Rights...walking. At this time now, he was frustrated and realized that "down the road" is not five minutes, turn corner and see the destination. It's more, five minutes, turn the corner and see the destination - on Google Maps. Like Brian McKnight, he gave one last cry, "Where is town?" "Oh it's around the corner." Relief hit him as he thought that that was closer than "just down the road". Well it is but then again the moon is closer to the earth than the sun. In the end he did reach town and vowed never to walk to anywhere that is "just down the road". He will definitely keep that vow.

My final story is strictly Bajan in nature. If you're not Bajan, you can stop reading here and have a great week.

The conversation somehow changed to the topic of food. A friend of another group member got married and was living here. One day she and her friend, both non-nationals by birth, decided to go to a bakery for some salt bread. Upon opening the pack they found the coconut leaf on the top so they went back to the bakery and told someone "I think you sold me bad bread. This has in grass."

This is my country - broasted tenderness in the meat, long walks on the beach (or down the road for that matter) and grass in our bread. It is true, there is a never a dull moment in Barbados.

Circles

Another day, another sunrise, another factory call. Another night, another sunset, another freefall..." Circles, Switchfoot

I've never had a week like this. It's like school decided to start this week. He said, "Let's start the work now. You've had enough gallivanting and you're on top of the work." Then he whispered, "Let's see what this baby can do." On Monday I went to school and realized that the mid-terms start in 2 weeks! Now I wasn't particularly bothered because I did the work for the most part so with extra reading I should be fine. Oh but on Tuesday I went to Probability Theory and was quite concerned. Stats seems to be my kryptonite. I chose the course because I think that if you're studying accounting you should have a pretty good knowledge of probability. But...*sigh*...I don't know why I can never get this understood. I've thought that I don't read the question correctly (and that may be the most accurate reason) and miss that one clause that makes the whole question make sense. So I went to class and it made a little sense, but that's neither the beginning nor the end of my week.

I left class and decided to go to bible study. What started out as a conversation with the president quickly turned into an interrogation from higher authorities. At first I thought he was trying to pick my brain and test me on what I know but then the questions got really weird  and I started quoting Sho Baraka, "C'mon son, I know you done lost your mind." (The Revolution - you should check it out, it's a nice song). So after two hours (and opting out of class because I didn't do the homework) I left there tired and a bit down from missing class and wondering what I'm going to do concerning Probability Theory.

I went to Optimization Theory - yes, even the name makes it sound hard lol. It is hard but I'm slowly understanding it. Maths is an everyday process and "practice makes permanent" is the first axiom of the subject. When I got to the door I saw my friend outside crying so I put down my bag and stayed with her until her dad came for her. Another class missed. She went home and I went to my final class of the day, Law, Governance and Society. The presentations started that day and I was trying my best not to fall asleep. Not only were the presentations quite boring (as most presentations tend to be) but the subject matter only made it worse. It takes a lot of creativity and a large dose of craziness to make stir interest while comparing the Kalina and the Mayas; and comparing Suriname and Belize. So when that was over the teacher said, "next week we'll do questions 4, 6 and 7 ok?" NO!!! I'm doing question 6! He looked at me and asked me if I wanted to present next week and of course I said no but my group members said yes and the constitution was changed by a 2/3 majority vote. So I have a presentation on Tuesday.

Usually I drive to school but that day the car went to get serviced. I waited around school for someone to pick me up. I sat by the lobby and waited. I talked by the lobby and waited. I drummed at the lobby and waited. I cried at the lobby and waited. Then an hour and some later my ride came for me and I went home. When I got home my friend came over and we tried out his new resistance bands. It is only now that I typed this that I understand why my legs were hurting me that week.

This was no problem until Wednesday. On Wednesday I happily walked into Organization Behaviour (OB) (not only because my lecturer makes nice eye candy but the course is interesting). After we discussed a case in class and before we left the lecturer said, "So...for next week I want you to write a 3 page essay, ok?" NO!!! Why do teachers say ok when they know that it isn't?!?! She continued, "It will be peer-reviewed. Three pages, double spaced" (as if double spacing it makes it any better). I left class thinking about the Halo I was not going to play, the junk food I was not going to eat and the concert I was not going to go to. My whole weekend was spoiled.

I went to a group meeting afterword where we discussed the report and the presentation for OB. I had the brilliant idea that we should do away with putting words in the power point slides and just have smile faces of all different colours and sizes while presenting. After all, the lecturer did say "you can do anything" and I usually take that literally. The group did not embrace that idea because they thought that it would be too distracting and there would be no safety net if anyone forgot their train of thought. I agree. But I also would love to do that in one of my presentation. I think groups bring a certain control to my ideas. (Can you imagine sitting down in a presentation and seeing only smiley faces...amazing!)

So that evening I did some reading in the library and then went to class. I came home around 10 because I didn't know where my sister was and I was waiting at school for someone to call, which didn't happen until I was half way home. I started to do some general reading so I wouldn't make my other courses suffer because of a presentation and an essay and at 2am I went to sleep.

At 6:30 in the morning I woke up and got ready for school. The only part of me which wasn't hurting were my fingernails. I went to Auditing and learned about the audit process (I think) and then ate lunch and went to Optimization. It's hard to sleep when you only have two classes. The class was dead. No one seemed to be there and there was a great cloud over all of our heads. Not only that but my friend wasn't there so the class was eerily quiet. Again I had to wait at school to be picked up and that's never fun. I got home, there was devotions and I went straight to work until 12:30 (when I said to myself, "Go to bed.").

I got to school early on Friday (surprise, surprise) and did some reading up on the class. By this time, the essay was almost done, just missing a conclusion - which I could not find at such a late hour the night before. I went to class, took notes, tried to understand amidst a lingering headache and then class was over. I saw my friend (who stalks me) while I was talking to one of my ex-math buddies about the joys of our 3rd year math courses. I finished the essay when he went to class and then did some reading for the group assignment for OB. The lingering headache grew to a pulsating one so I went outside for fresh air and light conversation. Then I went back inside to continue but after eating I decided to pull up 3 chairs and sleep. After about 45 min I woke up and packed my bags because another class was starting.

Saturday. I had hardly gotten any sleep that Friday because I came home late from church and to be honest my brain was still in study after 11 mode. I woke up and tried to do work but the beauty of studying at home when your parents haven't seen you except for getting ready to leave and now getting home is they miss you. So every 5 min i was called to do something and I could never start working. Of course this was annoying since I hadn't started the presentation yet. But the rain came (oh how I love the rain). Something in the hum of the rain falling in the roof relaxed me and I started the presentation and finished it. And then I got extra reading done!

So at 2 I ran off to my meeting, which was productive I must add, and then to the concert with Russell Leonce. That was amazing! If you don't know Russell youtube him. (Ok that's his 15 second promo)

This week I saw black circles on my eyes! It was pretty cool and quite scary at the same time because black circles and hurting legs are two signs of lacking sleep and also black circles bring bags and bags are only cool when you can unzip them. I've realised that third year is harder than second year and requires more work, more time and more effort. There's a motivation theory that says that when you try to hype employees doing tasks which require long and constant concentration more harm than good is done. Yeah, you can't Red Bull your semester.

In my life, in my own purpose, within my weakness, within my weakness..." - Circles, Switchfoot

Another Day At The Office

It seems as if nothing much is happening at school besides school work. This is not really a bad thing, I mean why else would I go to school? I have no fun things to report like fending off monsters and saving damsels in distress, or funny things to share like jokes. Yep, I went to school and I did work. Then I came home and did more work. Studying is a 16 hour job.

Ok that's pretty boring so let me tell you about the coastal clean up I went to today. If I name names only a few of us would have any idea what I am referring to, but still try to paint some picture of it in your mind. It started at 6:30am on Long Beach, Christ Church. The weather was lovely. It was as if God knew there would be people on that beach today so he held back the rain. The sun shone on the participants as the beach was filled with sand and spotted with red t-shirts and garbage. Bags full of garbage heaped about the beach until about 9 when all of the collecting stopped. Then the cataloging began.

There was a prize for the largest group collecting garbage and one for the largest amount of garbage collected per person. It was amazing to see what washed up on the beach from the main land - lightbulbs, hammocks, glavanise, shoes. We even found a compressor!

So this is where I came in. I woke up about 9:45 this morning and got a call that my dad wanted me to collect the car. I got dressed, ate, and left home for the car. I arrived at the beach where the garbage was piled up and the volunteers were already too dark for their liking and sweating under the blazing sun. After observing and making light conversation I was asked to move a tent from the top of the beach to the cataloging site.  So after walking on water, climbing over vines and pulling stakes out of the ground, I move a whole tent (and nothing but a tent. So help me God).

The End.

And The Gift Goes On...

Ah yes. Now you must be wondering why I called this meeting of readers at such a short notice (I know I am).  I once heard a guy say that every time you experience a day it becomes a smaller fraction of your life and that's why the days go faster. Of course that would mean that for a 2 day old baby a day is 1/3 of its life and so it takes forever to go by, and God help you not to sneeze if you're around 70 because at that age a day is an almost insignificantly small fraction of your life that you would have missed about 3 of them before you knew it. The week has gone by pretty quickly.It kinda sprung like a leak and I guess this blog is the rainbow that we see when light hits the water. And speaking of rainbow, it rained somewhat this week. Of course that has nothing to do with what I'm about to say.

Well what am I about to say?

For those who didn't know, my birthday was two weeks ago. I met this girl yesterday who was lost and all alone (literally) and we were talking about stuff (and videogames! How strange! A girl who is a Call of Duty fan!...Ah...university life) and she asked me how old I was. It has been noted that I look younger than I really am so I asked her to take a guess. By golly, she got it right! I was so surprised. Apparently, she said, I have the air of a 21 year old (whatever that is). Her theory is that at 21 you look different, like "I've made it!...You 20 year olds are such little boys and girls." I don't know, I'll test that theory. 

Back to my story. I got a whole set of cool gifts that I asked for this week. On Thursday I was so happy as I began reading the Chronicles of Narnia before I went to sleep. When I thought about it, I remembered begging for grey Converse and asking for that book and not asking for the other gifts that I got that will remain a mystery. And it dawned on me (in the middle of the night) that the things I have are the things I need and the things I don't have, I don't need. I don't know if I'll ever get grey converse in this life. There are things I get immediately and there are things I wait for for a long time. There's a purpose in all of this. Things do not make me who I am; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possession. Things help me to do what I have to do. Understanding this trumps all of my delusions of greed and covetousness. It also then asks me what am I doing with these things I have. 

It helps to know the purpose in life while at school especially. I hear that there are very little jobs available and too many qualified persons to fill them. And of the jobs that are available one needs work experience first and a whole set of potentially depressing stories. So then we spend thousands upon thousands of dollars in our own education and when the excitement of going to school has faded we wonder why are we here. But knowing that answer is the difference between enjoying school and enduring it. I don't know the answers but I know that there are things we have because we need them and there are things we don't have because we are working on the prerequisites. 

I think that changed my week from "About to throw something (or someone) into a wall to bearable. Now all I have to do is work on these slow drivers! Slow drivers (i.e. people who drive below 65km/h) are so annoying! I almost had road rage this week because of them. I heard it's fun, road rage. 

That's pretty much my week. I'm sure you don't want to hear about all the classes I went to and how people got picked on by the lecturer and were subjected to public shame and how much car insurance I saved switching to Geico (Weeeeee! Weeeeeeee! Weeeeeeeee!). So remember, keep within the speed limit (i.e. +20 of it) and if you're caught, when the fuzz asks you if you know how fast you were going just say "200?" and look disappointed when he tells you the real speed.

It Starts With A Degree

Some of us have been asking me when is the next blog being posted. I would assume that some of us missed me over the last 14 weeks. Well here's what I have been doing. Believe it or not, I've spent 14 weeks trying to find an introduction that would rock this world, lure the readers and hook them for life (awesome isn't it?). Sadly though, I have failed. I remember having such an introduction earlier this week but I decided to hold it off for the time I write. Then school hit and I forgot...*tear* Now don't you fret, nor don't you frown. I still forgot the introduction I failed to write down. The moral of this story is that not every story has a moral really.

I started my final year on Monday. After a restful, rejuvenating, and relaxing 14 weeks of pure vacation, which included boredom, beach and travelling, I was ready to go to school and end it all - rather finish. On Monday I was excited. I was smiling, I was laughing and my face was glowing. Who wouldn't be? When May comes I will be out, only to return in October next year for my release papers. On Tuesday, however, I realised a very interesting fact: if I don't pass, I won't leave. Making it to final year is a good achievement but graduating is the real goal.

Many times over the last semester, when I realised that I was on my way out, I thought that it would be smooth sailing to the end. I could run on momentum and the university would give me my degree once I showed up for class. In movies it goes like this: the hard part is ahead of me and the scene fades and I'm at graduation. What movies fail to show is what happened between the hard part and the end. But I write my story so let's see what happens when the screen goes black.

As per usual, I had classes this week. Each class began with a fifteen minute introduction of the course and the rest of the time was spent teaching.

In many ways I feel like I'm in first year.  Almost everything is seems new. I feel washed off completely and ready to take this new opportunity to do well.

That's pretty much it for now. Work calls and I must answer.

Vay-K (Cus "Vaca" Is Spanish For "Cow")

Usually, at this time, we tend to insert great introductions that suck the reader into piece. This "introduction" is the foundation of any good writing and usually, a good introduction makes a good piece. Introductions are the writer's first impression. Since introductions are such a pivotal part of a good work I decided not to do any. After a three week slum (like Eddie Murphy) I felt inadequate to set a good foundation so I'll just jump in the deep end and hope to swim.

A lot has happened since the Playoffs started. My exams came and they went. I always wonder why people are so happy when their exams are over. For me there were no "XD's", frantic running around and screaming like a madman. It was just another day...THAT I DON'T HAVE TO GO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!! This was the most interesting exam period I've ever had. I got my first failing grade in my entire life (except 1st form Art, Integrated Science and Religious Education but apparently those don't count) and it was not pretty. Talk about introductions! My intro was that I missed missed my exam! "But how?" you may ask. Well it's pretty easy as I have proven. Here's a little excerpt from the annals:

"I was fully convinced that all my exams were at 4 - after all, all my other exam days had 4 pm exams. I remember complaining that all my exams were at 4 and how sucky that is. Sitting down [at home] now I remember hearing 'Check the board to see what time is your exam.' I replied, 'Nah man it's at 4.' So after all (and I mean about 4) hints that the exam may be at 9, when mummy asked me if I should be going to school so early I said, 'Ok I'll just catch the bus.'

"So I worked up until 9:30 - I was so ready for it. Then I decided I should call Jenelle. Hmm...no answer. That's when things started to get scary. When Saphyre and Alicia (my group members) wouldn't answer I began to think, 'Well maybe this exam is at 9.' And that's when my heart began to race. I studied some Accounts then I decided to check my phone.

'Suppose...oh no!' The exam was at 9!!!"

There's nothing I can do now but take the fail and move on. Life is a learning experience.

I learned something two weeks ago about tourists. I was going to church with mummy cruising on a Saturday afternoon, fracturing the speed limit. I saw a hired car turn left and approach me. "Well that's odd." I said as I realised that it was approaching me on my side! I was driving hoping that he would realise that he's on the wrong side of the road. But he continued. We caught eyes and it seemed as if he was thinking "why is this boy driving on the wrong side of the road?" So I continued driving. He finally got the idea when he saw a car behind me on my side of the road and he swerved off and went along. So I thought, "Hey guy! You're not in America. You drive on the right side of the road but we drive on the right side of the road!"

Evidently, I'm alive. I saw all my exams that I attended and with much preparation I think I bled less (General Eisenhower). I think I'll learn French this vacation (among other things), you know, for the fun and benefit of knowing more than "Voulez-vous couché avec moi?" This sounds like justice to my second year. One more year to go! I'm out like three strikes.

NBA

A friend of mine once told me (after I sprained my wrist), "Basketball is going to be the death of you." (Let's hope she's wrong.) I love April - long weekend, rain, ending of school and most importantly, the NBA Playoffs start. 40 games in 40 nights - like Jesus fasting in the wilderness - and then the Finals on ABC. There's nothing quite like 10 huge monsters running around a hardwood floor beating one another just to get that coveted prize. When the Cavs are playing, it's 9 huge monsters and Lebron - the beast, the steamroller, MVP...that ring will look so good on his finger. Yes, I am a Cavs fan.

School is nearing its end, all the joys of being a second-last year student will be 100% memories. As I sit in the camp, like a Spartan, I look at my sword. Wow, I've done nothing this week. All my classes have ended. The place that once tried to kill me has become a ghost town. All the limers have left and all the studying poeple have glazed eyes and are lifeless zombies walking from class to class to library. Oh well, it's still a good day.

So I'm going to do some work now. All the best in exams and life!

Happy

Now let's begin our story...

What is the week after Easter called? I know, sad. Ok, so only for this year was that week sad and that's because sad stuff happened. I find it amusing when people say "Boy, I wish I had your life." I sit and I think about it for a short moment...my life...I don't blame them for thinking so. From the outside all, if not most, is well. I'm smiling, I'm not hungry and I'm not crazy. I don't hate life and I love what I do. (And I still have the time to write blogs lol) But then I look at my life from the inside, all the disappointment in people and myself; the struggle I went through to find out who I am; and all that jazz waiting to scream "Hello World!" when the music stops. And as I was telling a friend this week, I am who I want you to see me as (in essence).

The rain came this week, like almost everyday. I was glad for that because I thought I would catch up on some sleep but as I quickly found out, I need to hibernate in order to get back to operational level. I spent most of my time at school in the library getting my brain taken care of - light work often instead of heavy stuff. On Thursday I was talking to my friend Dario about what I was going to do when I leave UWI. My dreams were to go get a masters and then look for a job - simple, easy but not always right. He asked me why I was doing it - a question that I tend to overlook at my convenience.

So I thought about it and that brings us here. For some strange reason I began to think "What would make me happy?" Coming down the checklist of things I began. Would a car make me happy? Would a degree make me happy? (From what recent graduates tell me, that's a no) Would a wife make me happy?

Oh wait, come to think of it, this question was posed to me three times on three different days this week...

The good thing about history is, whether or not we learnt from it, it repeats itself. The Israelites thought that getting a king would make them happy so in 1 Samuel 8, they asked for one. So God told Samuel to give them one and tell them what they have done to me and what he will do. So Samuel told them that they have rejected God as their king and how they would get exploited by the king and he will take the best of their lives but they said "No! Give us one." and Samuel said ok and gave them one. And you can read 1&2 Kings, Chronicles and Samuel to see what happens after that. I said that to say, be careful what you ask for. Sometimes what makes us happy is what we have. Greed is a dangerous thing.

Secondly, the disciples thought they knew what would make them happy. Jesus told them to seek God first and his righteousness and they would have what they need (and they would be happy). Some people do the wrong stuff to get happy. Like Kanye West sang "The prettiest people do the ugliest things for the road to riches and diamond rings" The other question is then a matter of HOW we become happy. I mean, everything costs something, doesn't it?

We all go to school (or went there) for some strange reason. We all live for a reason. In the midst of all I have and all I've done so far, I ask myself, "What will make me happy?" Am I not happy already? Don't I have all I need for now? The story is given about a fire, the sea, a dog and a man. The fire burns, consuming everything around it. Then it stops. The sea, a mysterious monster, sinks anything it can and drags it to the root of the mountains. But it stops when it gets to shore. Why is that? A dog: Man's best friend, yet at the slightest scent of food it can ransack your house and leave it bare. Yet it lies down next to its bone, sleeping. Why not? It is already satisfied. Then there's man - arms behind his back, with an impatient stare in his eyes as if he could speed up time. He stands at the gate of castle waiting. For what? Man is never satisfied..

La La La La...Lemons

These weeks are going by so quickly, yet the term is taking forever to end. Ok let me scratch my brain and check the archives to see what I did this week. You know, four days off can really make me slip into vacation mode, especially when the beach is involved. I think I forgot how to be a student. The bad thing about studying home is when secondary schools go on vacation I get sucked into that mode as well. I woke up on Wednesday at my usual 6:30 and rolled over for round 2 of sleep until I was reminded that I had class at 10 (such a cruel way to wake up). That was pretty much the trend for the week.


Four day weekend! After having a non-productive week I decided to study most of the weekend. On Friday we went to church and came home around 2. After eating and watching television I went to sleep to wake up and do some work. Everything that night is a blur but what I do remember is that I didn't do any.

Round 2: Saturday was our youth group's bbq. That was beautiful. All now a tear runs down my cheek when I think about all the food (and the fire) there was. The burgers, the hot dogs, the kebabs, the chicken, the 3 layer cake, the heart attack but who cares? That's a great way to go out! lolol It was a 3 hour production line - meat on grill, meat on plate (or hand), eat from plate, repeat...then the food was gone. With all the food gone, we played capture the flag with a difference. We passed treaties, made deals with the opposition, sent messages to prisoners and we even beat the prison guard twice lol. All in all, that was a good day.

Round 3: So far I was 0 for 2 so on Sunday I really buckled down to do work. After church and the afternoon nap I went to quiz practice then to a production. As usual, we were the last to leave (even the stage hands were gone) on our way home Mario decided to go for his cake. While going for his cake our aunt told us that our cousin broke down far out of our way so we had to go for the cake, go for our cousin, take him home and then go home. So I spent 15 min at home between 4pm and 1 am.

Round 4: Today I finally managed to do work.

There are 9 more school days left. I honestly feel like a crashing plane sometimes and the pilot is just looking at all the gas that's just being spit out of the burst tank. I hope I can land in the port safely on May 10. As for you who are still flying I pray that you do well in your exams. Sleep if you must but don't oversleep. Study but do not stress out yourself. Read this blog but don't read it twice without studying.

I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me

How many of us like to run? I do. Apart from toning yourself and making your fitter and faster running has its perks. Like for instance, how many of us think while we're running? Those 10 - 20 minutes where you are locked in a cycle of menial activity just let your mind relax while other tough stuff get solved - like the theory behind female thinking. Anyways...I like running because it reminds me a lot of the semester. One moment, you're in the zone, seemingly unharmed. The momentum kicks in and you check the monitors and all is well. Then, in the matter of 5 steps, you get a stitch (hahaha!!) or you just get tired; and you wonder, "What happened to my energy?" Most people call that "The Wall" - when you start burning the good stuff, the fat. We have two choices when this happens: we can either keep running and finish, or we can call it a day.

Hebrews 12:1 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Many people agree that the "witnesses" refers to the names mentioned in the previous chapter. Let's look at a cloud...did you come back? Ok. When I hiked the Blue Mountain last summer, we walked through a couple of clouds. To be honest, I only realised I was in a cloud when I looked down and saw clouds below and none above us. When you are in a cloud you don't know. Same way it go so...lol. How many of us know that people are watching us?

I'm the only one who thinks I'm invisible. If I'm invisible then no one can see when I do wrong. If I'm invisible, then I don't have to do anything because no one will miss me. If I'm invisible, then I can do whatever I please because no one will notice and it wouldn't matter anyway. Yes, I'd love to make myself believe I'm invisible. But we're not invisible; not to ourselves, not to God and not even to others. On Wednesday I went to Financial Management. I always go there with "Last Class Syndrome". After 3 hours of maths and 2 of law, at 5pm my mind just goes "let's get it over with". While the corrections were being done I decided to talk to one of my classmates. I said, "Hey, we missed you last week."

She smiled and said, "I'm so flattered." We continue talking then she asked me what I study. I told her Maths and Accounting and after she gave me that look she said "You know I always thought you were a Law student." (I thought it was because I looked snobbish but she just thought so).

I came home and thought about it. Law students don't do FM. So it would mean then that she saw me before this semester. If she saw me, who's to say that every student at UWI doesn't have me profiled already? I had a talk with my mother (other) about this. Being a christian isn't so much about not making mistakes but does your life match up with what you preach? Obviously what you preach must also line up with the Bible. And that's what people respect. If I say that red shirts are bad, yet wear them all the time who will listen to me if I present the concept of evil?

That conversation made me note the importance of integrity. Going back to what I said about the cloud, I'll never know who's watching me unless they say so. So when I go to speak to people about Christ, I don't know the idea they have about me. Yes, people can read the wrong thing, but for the most part they interpret what you presented fairly correctly (especially if they talk to you).So what's my story? Now what does the pen write? I'm beginning to realise that most people don't read the book because of the author.

"Suggestions, questions
People want to know
Is there life after talk
Cause there's talk on the road." - TobyMac

March Madness

I've come to realise some things over this past month. If I continue writing about my week and nothing else I feel like I'm not doing justice to myself, my week or you. The stuff that happened this week were really good but I realised that I was not taking the time to rest. The Psalms remind us be at peace once more for God has been good to you. (Psalm 116:7). This is March. Tests and projects are the story of my life. Quizzes and other responsibilities make up its chapters. Its lines are phrased with revision and studying but there seemed to be no full stops.

Martin Luther, the  reformer, said "I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer." This does seem ironic, doesn't it, but it's true. I remember the times I had a lot to do and I decided to pray. Somehow, when your mind is at rest, time slows down; when you know how you are supposed to do things, order comes and there is time to buy the ice-cream (or whatever). 


In the foreseeable future I don't have much left to do. I did all of my projects and tests and life's good...LG. 

Three Tests and A Quiz

Do you remember last time we spoke about me having a long week ahead? Well that week is finished and I have another week of projects and stuff! XD It is said that if you want something done, look for someone who's busy.

I thought this semester had gone along pretty quickly and I had plenty energy left. Then I woke up on Tuesday. A team of college missionaries had come down from South Carolina during their Spring Break and some went to bible study with me. I sat at the table looking into their faces thinking "These guys look familiar." Well they were familiar. I met them last year. We looked at Paul and missions, and in the night we ate cookies and brownies! I met a couple more of the team that night and I am now officially a fan of Ultimate Frisbee!

It was really interesting because this time last year, as I was telling Keri, who was the first person I met, I was going to a test when we but up on each other. And this year I came from a test when we met each other. And we were wearing green. We wore the same colour twice that week, how ironic! We connected like Bluetooth.

Remember when I was accused of always saying that my maths tests were hard? Well I had two, Monday and Wednesday. The Differential Equations one was hard but I got through and so was the Linear Algebra one. We had a question that messed up pretty much the whole class. But that's university for you. Can't be easy, then it probably wouldn't be worth it. (The amount of stress is arguably unnecessary though). Then the Financial Accounting II mid-term came. *Queue dramatic music*...I came into the test with reasonable confidence that I would make up for a pathetic mid-term performance last semester. I studied harder than usual and I was ready. I read the paper thinking, "Ahh boy, 28/30 for me!" then I began the paper. When the invigilator said, "You have 30 min remaining I realised I was at question 16!" That doesn't sound bad does it? Well it was. I had started from question 30, which I skipped, and missed out on 5 other questions giving me a total of 9 completed questions. I thought, "You are not serious, what the heck is going on here?" It was truly terrible but it got better from questions 13-1. Well that's over.

The Quiz on Friday went well! The turnout was great and the excitement was high and people told me to watch out for their teams. My team got murdered for some strange reason, and the teams that told me they were not ready were actually ready and did very well. I was pleased with them and I'm looking forward to the bragging rights edition. That left me strung out and very tired.

So that's it. Three tests, a quiz and a missions team. There are five weeks before exams, or as I prefer 2 projects before exams lol. I'll see you in the coming weeks. Until next time, have a good and Godly week. For of what lasting value is a good week if it is not a godly one?

Like Sand Through The Hourglass...

There is one thing at UWI that always works. Year after year, semester after semester, at every sixth week fear is driven into the hearts of the unprepared. For those who do not care, the posting of the exam timetable has little to no effect. It is a timely reminder that vacation is coming soon.

This is week 7! As the hour draws near to take my first test I am definitely sure that I'm ready to end and on all those waves I yern to ride. I'm sure I want to see what awaits me on the other side.

This week I spent the last day with great friend (some may even say sister). There is something really interesting about the beach. Being in its presence takes a troubled mind that has been running around and stills it; like a an angry person in the arms of someone he/she trusts. The beach is patient. It allows you to rant and rave on until you have run out of steam and collapse in your puddle of confusion and as the smoke clears and the dust settles, you see a silhouette standing, smiling, as if to say, "I'm still here". Sounds a lot like someone I know (who created the beach). So we went to the beach and spent the evening talking and getting our non-beach clothes soaked like true Bajans. Then I went home. Most of it is still hard to digest, especially at this time of the semester but one thing I've assimilated is when you have the time, spend it with someone. Life is dynamic and people morph and our lives intersect only for a fleeting moment. It was once said to me, "The opportunity of a lifetime must be taken in the lifetime of the opportunity."

On Tuesday we looked at suicide in bible study. This was a very heated war as those who were there battled it out. We defined "suicide" as "taking your own life". What was really interesting (and I will leave it open) was that it was asked what we think about people who commit suicide and where do they go when they die (with God or without God).

Fun reigned the Science Lecture Theatre as there was a civil war in Linear Algebra. The lecturer came in and said "I would like to have the test on Wednesday (March 10) so we can continue our next topic." "But sir," a voice called out from the back, "I have 3 tests that week. How about the Wednesday after that?" He replied, "If we push back the test it will have theoretical questions." "HELL NO!" a voice cried out from the front, "Put the test Wednesday!"...then the war started. The back of the class wanted the test in two weeks and the front in one. Quite frankly I did not care when the test was and I figured that if you were going to fail, pushing it back a week only makes it worse. So when I thought there was peace in the camp a hand rose from the middle. "Sir, can we take another look at the test date? I think that you should not decide on a date because one person has three tests that week." "But I have three tests too!" shouted the back section. Then the war continued until the end of class. (Well actually beyond the end of class because there were still some complaining about how unfair the front of the class is very selfish and does not care about the other classmates, etc etc). When it was all said and done, the front had their way. So I have 3 tests this week.

On Thursday there was a lecture on the church's impact on western civilization. I left class early to go to it and it was fun. The only bad thing was we only had an hour so I couldn't throw questions at the lecturer. At the end, the challenge was given to take our God-given talents and "As we go, make disciples of all nations" teaching them to obey all that Jesus taught us.

So those were the hot points in my week. Other stuff included Saturday when I had 2 meetings and a production to attend and another hot quiz practice in which I had to play referee and official, judge and jury. This week seems like a pretty interesting one already. I have 3 mid-terms and a quiz and on top of that a team from South Carolina came in on Saturday to work with Campus Crusade for Christ.

So until next week...I'm out!

Life's Cool

I can't believe a week has gone already! Mid-terms are coming up pretty quickly. I don't mind it sometimes because it means that vacation is coming! As scientist have shown, time does not exist by itself (but it does exist in a vacuum). Obviously, if schools ends quickly, then vacation will end quickly and we will get old quickly and time will end quickly. This is not as bad as I may have made it seem.

Tuesday I got shamed by my lecturer in class. He wanted someone to go on the board and do a question. Finding no 'human sacrifices' he called my name. I said, "Sir, Shari wants to do it." "No, you first." "But sir, in our culture it's ladies first." "I know," he said, "but not today."

This week has been pretty much a scaled down version of last week. I thought a lot but not to the deep level that I'm known for. It's good to give your brain a rest at time. In the words of Marcus King, "Life's cool"

Suffering Succotash!

It's easy to lose sight of the reasons why we do things. Just last week an old friend of mine from school told me that he reads my blog. He went on to say that every week I say the same thing "This maths test was hard." Granted maths at UWI is not easy, I thought about it for a moment. Is my life the sum of it's trials? Is it possible to have a life of synergy? You know, my life means more than the sum of it's individual events. To throw in a little maths, if every event was either a negative one or a positive one then it would be possible to have a life that amounts to nothing just because I had one really negative experience (5+4+1-10 = 0). That sounds really bad but I don't think that is true. I'm not going to go on and present some deep philosophical idea but simply put life has meaning.

This meaning is found in God. I just finished reading a book I got for Christmas called "Can Man Live Without God" by Ravi Zacharias. It's a really interesting book. It looks at Atheism and Anti-theism and Theism and the implications of these beliefs and then it looks at the meaning of life and then who Christ is and if he really mattered. I thought about it for a while. If man could live without God, then man would be God (the supreme being) and therefore man could live without himself lololol!!! But most people don't see that. If man could live apart from God, then he could do whatever he wants to, no rules! In a few words, all you see is what matters therefore do what makes you happy. I've realised that this is the mind set of a lot of people today. This is the easiest way to live because you do it and it makes you happy, do it again - like smoking weed. But what if doing what makes you happy turns around and makes you really sad? Like jumping off a cliff with no parachute makes you really happy then you die (hopefully)? What do I do?

I ask myself a lot, "What is the place of suffering in this world?" We can't escape it, people suffer - you suffer. The question is not, therefore, who suffers but one more of why we suffer. I think that if we answered this question then we would have a better understanding on the meaning of life. This is where the two schools of thought - Atheism and Theism differ greatly. This is where Monotheism and Polytheism differ. This is where Christianity differs in monotheism. We have seen and heard a lot about the Haiti situation among other events that are occurring or have occurred and each of us has our views on it. If we translated this down to our own situation would we have the same views on the issue?

Christians are not masochists (we shouldn't be) but we do have a belief about suffering. There are two types of suffering: Godly suffering (eg Matthew 5:11, Hebrews 2:10, James 5:10 ) which makes perfects us and there is the type that is the result of sin in the world (Romans 8:22, Genesis 3: 14-19). Sometimes it's hard to figure out which one is going on in your life. James 1: 3 says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers when you face trials of many kinds because the testing of your faith brings perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." Looking over my week, and well my life, those long nights of work, inability to sleep well sometimes, days of frustration when things don't go my way and basically waiting on God to come through on his promises, I could say I forgot that last week. When everything is good it's easy to throw these verses at others when things are bad for them - to be their support - but as some may say, you can only take so much.

I always wondered what people found in me, that they kept coming to me and telling me things I would rather not know. It was good listening and empathizing with everyone up until the point where they got their results. Life threw something at them and they bounced it off of me. Life threw something at me and I took it (real smart, I know). There are many reasons for that, which I choose not to disclose, especially on a blog. We are all made for a purpose; each of us (to use ecclesiastical terms) has a "cup to drink from". Some may be bitter cups (like mauby) and others may be sweet cups (like mauby lol). But really now, as easy as it may seem, is it worth throwing away your cup (or drink)? We all could do the easy thing that feels good and destroy the world further or we could actually care enough to find out what this life is all about and be ourselves, as we were meant to be (like Switchfoot said).

You've been reading for a while so let me end. Jesus said "Be on your guard against all types of greed, a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions" (Luke 12:15). Life's not the sum of its discrete events. Considering my maths example at the beginning, what on earth am I here for? What on earth are you here for? Is this life all that matters? Should our choices be self-driven while our consequences impact others?

It rained on my parade last week but that didn't stop the band from playing.

When The Stalker Stalks....

I finally managed to sneak in a little half hour to an hour slot in my busy schedule. Many of you must be wondering how I get this done; it's like if I have no work to do. The secret lies in my ability to evade work and procrastinate and still do well. What then shall I say? Shall I go on shirking so that grace may increase? NO! The work comes as surely and as quickly as Geico can save you 15% or more on car insurance but somehow I keep avoiding my close calls. I'll stop being delinquent, exchange the fitted caps and marijuana for some suspenders and stripes lol...pretty soon.

I haven't even gotten accustomed to school as yet and mid-terms are coming up. Already I have 8 weeks left in the semester! It's like if time is getting shorter. So much to do, so little time! (and I'm here blogging, but of course!).

It may occur that I have nothing to write about this week. That is correct. Last week was just an abnormal, adventureless, backwash of  7 days. I got totally lost in Ordinary Differential Equations and I was generally tired. Valentine's Day started well. I took my friend's advice and just played and had fun. Some stuff worked others didn't work as well as I hoped.

That's pretty much my week. Calm seas, cool breeze. So as I leave I'll post this question: What is the difference between "Fathering" and "Parenting"?

Lata

Oh yeah...you may have been wondering what that title is all about. On Monday, I went to do my usual lime in the lab. I saw my friend (for protective purposes let's call her "Alicia") online. The conversation went as follows:

-Hi Alicia...sup?
-...I can see you...

I frantically searched the lab. The lights began to flicker to a dim and the dramatic music began. I searched, like a deer sensing the hunter. I smelt the air. Nothing. I licked the ground. Cheese. Chills began to run down my spine. Goosebumps across my arms. As my heart thundered inside my frail and failing chest I began to quake in my seat. Finally relief came. Sitting behind me, doing research on Wikipedia, the stalker sat. Even though the threat of my life was gone it took me a while to get back to normal.

"In the eyes of a stalker, 

The unsuspecting talker, Had better know the truth of wrong from right. 

'Cause the eyes of a stalker are upon you, 

Any wrong you do, he's gonna see, 

When you're in UWI, look behind you,

'Cause that's where the stalker's gonna be."

The Beauty Of Serving God

If ever there was a time when I thought I would not have had a good story that was a short lived thought. Week after week something happens that leaves a mark in my soul. Life may be a vapour but mine must be one of many colours. It's not my story I'm living, it's history, his story told through me; not an alter ego who is tall and has super powers but God, who decided outside of creating time to tell his story through people (random people? I don't think so). Whatever reason you have for reading these posts always remember it's God's story with me as the main character. What's yours?

We had our Nazarene Youth International (NYI) District Convention last weekend in January. It was good. They were the usual citizens who love the sound of their voices and there were those who actually had something to say. As the weekend went on I said this was going to be a good week. On Sunday, church was awesome. We lick down tunes so old there was cobweb flying from the mics. The old folk were singing loudly, well pretty much everyone. Those songs like "At Calvary" and "We Are Marching To Zion" struck that ancient chord in the old rugged organ of our hearts. It was beautiful. Of course, I remembered the sermon. Two people gave their testimonies about God's goodness, focussing on the beauty of serving God. "The beauty of serving God is...he knows". I'll leave that to linger.

God knows. I went to school that week fully hyped and happy and all things bubbly. On Tuesday, before we left, mummy noticed that the tire was soft. We went to the gas station and pumped the tire and then I went to get it repaired. I drove to the tire place and reversed into the garage, popped the trunk and took out the tire. Sitting in his chair, drinking a beer, the "Tyre Man" as he is so called, got out and asked what the problem was. I told him the tyre had a nail in it but I took it out. Laughing at me, he told me that I shouldn't have done it and not to do it next time. I learned that my tyres are tubeless. We go on talking about random stuff when a guy drove past us playing old dub (music). He asked me, "That's your kind of music?" I said well not really. And he replied, "Oh so you're a christian." I thought that didn't have much to do with dub music, but moreover, I wondered how he came to that conclusion. I didn't linger on that but I just told him I don't like the lyrics so I don't listen to it, which lead to a conversation about the church up the road. Long story short, the tyres got fixed and the guy had company. Funny thing, he didn't offer me a beer.

The week went on getting better and better until Wednesday came lol. Wednesdays are usually my horror days, when I face a rediculous timetable. I'm not much to complain about timetabling because I think I still have one of the best timetables in my year - no night classes, no Saturday classes. Wednesday I got cursed to touching a girl's jacket because I thought she had a stain. It was horrific and I don't want to talk about it. If I had pride I would have been a lot more shamed than I was.

The beauty of God is...God knows.

What else happened...oh I began building a sheep pen (with help of course). It's not as easy as Discovery Kids makes it seem. It's hard work that I would not recommend to everyone. It is a good way to stop delinquency in your children though. Even though it's not finished, I feel like I've done something special, something bigger than I am (I guess you could realise the colossal nature of this structure then.).

That's it for me. Enjoy your week and look both ways before you cross the street.

Welcome!

School is back in full swing for all us fortunate students, with UWI being the last to get on board. While I try to beat out the rust and clear the cobweb, I remember those who are eyeing mid-terms a spring breaks and even vacation again. (And then there are those who work). I had a great vacation (thanks for asking); I did a lot and still found myself doing nothing at times. I got to spend time with the family, the Cavs won on Christmas (yeah!), I got fat, and I worked. I also learnt a bit about people and seeing the big picture in things.

It is true that most of us can't see the big picture; you know, can't see past our noses (so liars may be able to see farther lol) but as most people like to say about Christiaity, "We walk by faith and not by sight." I was thinking about that statement this morning and it reminded me of G-Force. Funny enough, the same thing can be said of moles. So what does it really mean to "walk by faith and not by sight"? Is faith the end of knowledge?

So...week 1.

I woke up when the sun rose on Monday, feeling proud of myself. My phone's battery was dead so I didn't know what time it was, but I figured it was somewhere around 6. I took my time and went downstairs and saw 7! I thought, "The sun rises so late?" (Obviously I wouldn't know.) To cut a short story shorter I got to my 8:00 class late. (It takes just over an hour to get to school).

Hour 2


The Big Bang Theory teaches Differential Equations. I used to joke that my Algebra teacher reminded me of Sheldon and my Analysis reminded me of Howard (but way less perverted, similar concept) but to have the ENTIRE cast of the show in your classroom is just Emmy nomination!

Wednesday


By now I had been up to my waist in work and extremely tired. The concept of time had been long forgotten on December 22 and was in no hurry to return. I operated on VST (Vacation Slow Time). There was day time and night time. Night time was for sleeping. How dare they, then, divide my fully functioning time zone! I had a class Wednesday at 12-2 and one at 2. The 12-2 class ended early so I decided to walk down the hill and take a breather; lie down and sleep on a bench or something. On my way to sleep I saw my friend.

"Yo. Sup?"
"Nain much b wha bout you?"
"I jus here, about to take a nap. I got class at 2."
"Amm it's 2 tho b."
"Ok I got class at 3 then. But wait, I got class at 4 and a one hour break between. I got class at 2?"

So I walked BACK up the hill to class.

That pretty much sums up my week. I have two 8:00am classes, Monday and Thursday, and Wednesdays are horrible. A lot of things are supposed to happen this semester with Carnival and every club or faculty having a week - this is "Week Semester".

It's 4:22 - I'm improving lol.